Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
