He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
