so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize