One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to have your abortion
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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