I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
