I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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