don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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