things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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