I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
