Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
