Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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