dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
