My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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