Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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