She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
