Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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