im about as happy as oj after his trial
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
