This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
