I'm jealous of your bromance
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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