Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
