Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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