Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
