everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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