Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
