I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
