so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
