Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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