Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
