I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
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Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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