I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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