Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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