if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I die, sorry about rent.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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