people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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