so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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