i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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