i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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