So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Drunk is not a location!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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