i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
