Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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