i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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