Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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