I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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