I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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