she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
