My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
