The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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