Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
