I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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