I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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