what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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