We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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