Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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