Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
