I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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