all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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