Moan for me like Helen Keller
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
