Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
