Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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