I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
