What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
