I accidentally had phone sex last night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
