Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
