Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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