I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
