If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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