The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
