She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
