i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize