Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
