We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
