So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
only if we run a train.
done.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
