I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
