For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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