i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
