I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
