you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
