You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
