I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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