So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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