Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
