I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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