Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
